Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said ‘How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon  next week and my fiancée is still a virgin – in every way’

The doctor told him, ‘I’ll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight.  It should be okay next week.’

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together;  an impressive  work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.  She said, ‘You’re the first; no one has EVER touched these.’

 An aide walks into the oval office. George W. Bush is currently president, and the Iraq war is dragging out into a long and grueling occupation. The aide presents the numbers from yesterday to the President.

“Mr. President, yesterday the US coalition forces killed a confirmed 36 insurgents.”

The President nodded his head patriotically.

“There were some losses on our end, however.” The aide continued. “We lost a US hummer with four soldiers in it to an IED outside of Tekrit, and 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in a crossfire in Baghdad.”

The president nodded solemnly with the news of the hummer, but his face was ashen by the end of the sentence, and he buried his face in his hands. The aide looked startled, “Sir, what’s the matter.”

With scared eyes, the president looked up and mumbled “How many is a brazilian?”

 

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A husband and wife get in a fight one morning so when the man comes home from work he brings her some flowers.

He hands them to her, she kisses him and then drops her pants and pulls up her skirt.

She says “This is for the flowers!”

He says “Honey, don’t you have a vase?”

 

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